First Draft :

When I went home and told my mom she thought it was wrong but told me to take a different book anyways. I didn’t, with the same book with me I read it after the test again. That time I got the book taken away from me, it was then I realized I should have listened to my mom and shouldn’t have been so stubborn.

Revised :

When I went home and told my mom she thought it was wrong but told me to take a different book anyways. I didn’t, with the same book with me I read it after the test again. That time I got the book taken away from me, I was mad. I had repeatedly told her that it wasn’t an adult book and she didn’t care. She just kept saying with her usual grumpy look “you shouldn’t be reading that”. Even though this could have changed my outlook for the worst, it didn’t, I stayed the same stubborn little girl for my whole life. I had realized that if I was told my reading choices were wrong then I decided they were wrong. The education system isn’t there to develop our creativity, its there to teach us conformity.  

Reasoning:

I changed this because there is a bigger lesson than I shouldn’t be stubborn, and that I should put in that this event didn’t affect me badly in the long run. I also added additional details that would answer some questions and enriched the story.

 

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